Summer Sins Read online

  "Phillip will support me. He always does. Mom, I don't think we should get married. I love him, but as my friend. My dear, true friend I grew up with. But not as my husband, and a lover, and a mate for the rest of my life."

  "Friendship, trust, and loyalty are the foundations of a successful marriage," my mother stated. "It may not be as exciting, but it's real."

  The image of Holden flashed in my mind. Dear God, maybe my mother was right and I was making a huge mistake. My summer fling was just that--a fling. Yes, I had deeper feelings for him. Every time he took me in his arms, another piece of myself fell apart, leaving only my open heart, ready to be his. I sensed we had more than sex, but could it last past a brief summer?

  "Mom, please understand. I'm trying to live my life."

  "Oh, Storme. This decision will affect much more than Phillip's heart. It will affect his livelihood."

  My heart stilled. Sweat broke out on my skin. "You mean the merger?"

  "If you don't marry Phillip, the merger won't go through. And Phillip's vineyard is almost bankrupt. His family will lose everything they've built in a matter of months."

  "I don't need to marry him for you to merge. It's a smart business move."

  "No, honey. They're so deep in debt, the only reason we'd help is if you two were getting married. It's a union of family and heritage. If you're leaving Drink It In Style and breaking up with Phillip, there is no point. We may be friends, dear, but I'm not going to sacrifice our business because I feel bad for him and his family. There is no reason for a merger if you're both not together. Do you understand?"

  Yes. I did. A while ago, he'd mentioned his vineyard was experiencing some financial difficulty, but I had no idea they were bordering on bankruptcy. Or that the infusion of funds he needed was dependent on our marrying.

  The noose around my neck, which had temporarily loosened, now jerked tight. I was left gasping for air. How could I possibly let Phillip and his family down?

  My mother continued. "As for FIT, I can only urge you to think about it. Can you do both? Maybe. Drink It In Style is a full-time commitment, even when you hire trusted staff. Do you see yourself able to handle the massive needs of our vineyard in between fashion shows?"

  My firm stand began to crumble. Suddenly, I questioned once again all my decisions. How could I allow Phillip to lose the only thing he loved? His family and his business meant everything to him. Not only would it break his heart, it would destroy him.

  My mother kept talking. "I'll make arrangements to come home, and we'll talk more. Don't be hasty about calling off the wedding yet. And think harder about what you want your future to be. I'd hate to see you throw away everything you've worked so hard for on a summer...impulse."

  Numbness closed in. "Forget it, Mom." My voice came out wooden. "You were right, of course. It's just jitters."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Yes. I'm sure." I couldn't say anything else. My throat had choked up, barely allowing me to swallow. I heard my mother drone on for a while. Telling me this was normal to feel panicked before a wedding. Reaffirming Phillip was the right man for me in every way. Explaining that I could combine my love for design into my new life as CEO of Drink It In Style and wife.

  I made some noises that seemed like agreement, and we hung up the phone.

  I didn't know how long I sat on my bed, staring at the wall. My denial and my magical summer were officially over. I wished now that Holden and I had kept it casual like we'd first agreed. Something to walk away from with a fond memory. I imagined I'd tuck my affair to the back of my mind, like a secret sin that I'd learned from and transcended so I could marry Phillip with an open heart.

  Instead, I knew I'd been falling in love with Holden Fox. Real, adult love between a man and a woman. A deep, binding, until-death-do-us-part love. A love I'd have to now let go of completely.

  I couldn't end things face to face. If I saw him, I'd fall apart. I wasn't strong enough for that. I needed to make the split clean and fast, like a shocking break. Brutal pain first, and with enough time, hopefully some type of healing, even if I'd always be a bit crooked and off for the rest of my life, like a bone set the wrong way.

  I dialed. "Hey, sugar. Was just gonna call you. How about we take a bike ride to the lighthouse?"

  "Holden, I have something to tell you."

  The silence told it all. We both knew it. His tone turned from intimate to cool and distant. "What's that, Storme?"

  He wasn't making it easy. I didn't think he would. "We can't do this anymore. Us. Me. I'm marrying Phillip in two weeks. It's time to move on."

  The silence on the other end screamed volumes. His laugh pierced my soul and drew blood. "Oh, I see. The fling is officially over, huh? You decided to marry Prince Charming, run the vineyard, and live everyone else's life but your own? And now you're done with me?"

  His words burned like acid. "I'm sorry," I ripped out. "I have to do this. I don't have a choice anymore."

  "Like I told you before, Storme. There's always a choice. I guess you've made yours."

  My heart literally ached so bad I pressed my hand to my chest to ease the pain. "This wasn't just a fling to me," I whispered. "I hope you know that."

  "Sure. Have a nice life, sugar. Think of me now and again."

  The phone clicked.

  I doubled over in pain, curling into a fetal position to try to fight the agony. The tears came, hot and bitter, for a long, long time.

  Chapter Eighteen

  HOLDEN

  "I'M HEADING TO THE CITY EARLY."

  Brian shook his head and put up his hand. "No way, dude. We have one fucking week left before you never surface again. I'm not going to let you run out because of a stupid girl."

  Stupid girl. God, I wished so hard that was all she'd been. Wished I could laugh over our brief time together and move on. Wished I didn't have these emotions tearing my insides every time I replayed our final conversation.

  She was marrying him next weekend. I refused to stick around for that type of torture-fest, so I figured I'd head to my place early and set up shop. Maybe keeping busy and focusing on my real life would help. "Sorry. I'm burnt out, and I wanna get my shit together before I start."

  Brian groaned. "So lame. Okay, listen. You're not leaving yet. I arranged a dudes' night out. We're meeting at Surf Club. Got some buddies coming in from out of town. Remember Jerry?"

  "Yeah, he's coming?"

  "Yep, and he's a pisser. Come on, Holden. Just finish up the weekend, and you can head out on Monday. I won't give you a hard time."

  "Fine. But I'm outta here Monday morning."

  "Awesome. It'll be a blast."

  I figured one last night wouldn't hurt, especially since Brian had been so cool about letting me stay with him all summer. I'd surround myself with old friends, have a final night in the Hamptons, and focus on my new path.

  The day passed quickly, and a bunch of Brian's friends arrived. Soon, the house was full of testosterone, and I relaxed with a few beers, enjoying the sharp banter and stinging insults as a rite of passage. We headed out early to the bar to grab some food and claim our spot in one of the larger rooms used more for dining. The Surf Club was a favorite bar, with plank wood floors and large, colorful surfboards hanging from the ceiling. The seats were neon blue, the drinks were never watered down, and the music was good. The hours passed, and I was grateful I only thought about Storme every ten minutes rather than every one.

  Progress.

  And then it happened.

  She walked in.

  The beer almost slid through my fingers. She was dressed to kill in a tight little black dress that clung to her full rear, cupped her gorgeous breasts, and didn't leave near enough to the imagination. When she moved, I caught a flash of golden brown legs, ridiculous strappy heels, and the swing of thick, black hair left loose to spill over her shoulders.

  She was with a large group of women including Kelsey and Leigh, and they were giggling over something. One of them h
eld a penis straw, which caused a loud chorus of catcalls to echo through the bar, but the girls cheered and crowded near the bartender, already ordering shots. My gaze greedily devoured her as I wondered why she was out like she was celebrating something important. Birthday? Maybe one of her friends'. Still, a penis straw was a weird--

  The thought broke off and sucker punched me in the gut. Holy shit.

  It was her bachelorette party.

  The last few hours of peace slipped away and left me with nothing but emptiness and an ache that didn't seem to go away. She chatted with the girls and sipped her drink. Playing the part of the happy, soon-to-be-married woman. But for one brief moment, when the attention turned from her to the bartender, I could see that distant look in her eyes, sad and troubled.

  Good, my inner beast snarled. Fuck that. I don't want her to be happy. I want her to have a miserable, horrible life with that prick and regret she ever left me.

  No, I don't, my wimpy heart retorted. I want her to be fucking happy. I just wish she could be happy with me.

  When she'd called to tell me she was planning to go through with the wedding, I knew I'd missed my chance to change her mind. Instead, my wounded pride and hurt took over until I was barely able to snarl a few harsh words. Maybe if I had confessed the truth, that she meant more to me than a summer affair, things would've been different.

  And now I'd never know.

  I couldn't stay here. I couldn't watch her celebrate her upcoming wedding, pretending we had nothing together but a couple of good fucks. I wouldn't survive it.

  "Gonna head out, Bri," I said, clapping him on the shoulder.

  Brian swiveled his head around and caught sight of the partying girls. I waited for him to give me a hard time, but he just nodded. "Yeah. I get it. Sorry, dude. See you back home."

  "Thanks, man." We bumped fists, then I began saying my goodbyes to the other guys, wanting to get the hell out of Dodge as fast as possible.

  Wanting to get as far away from Storme Sullivan as possible.

  Chapter Nineteen

  STORME

  KELSEY, WHY DO YOU have to suck on that straw?"

  Kelsey looked up. The overlarge penis straw was sticking out of a pina colada. A blue paper umbrella popped out from the other side. "Isn't that what they're made for? I'm drinking my cocktail."

  Leigh giggled and bumped her shoulder. "Because you look like you're enjoying it too much. And thinking of something else while you're doing it. Or someone."

  We all laughed as Kelsey actually blushed. "Leave me alone," she grumbled playfully. "We're here to celebrate Storme's launch into being a married woman. Not to talk about my hot lifeguard."

  "True. How about you, Leigh? How's Nick?" Leigh got that dreamy look on her face I knew too well. At least, now I did, after meeting Holden.

  "He's good. Great, actually."

  Kelsey sighed. "So sweet. You know, we've been worried about you."

  Leigh paused, pondered her penis straw, and took a deep breath. "Umm, actually, I didn't want to do this tonight, but there's something I need to--uh-oh."

  "What?" I asked. It seemed she'd been ready to tell us something important.

  "Holden. Three o'clock," Leigh said, her eyes wide, her expression worried.

  We all swiveled our heads around. I froze.

  Oh, God. It was him.

  Breathless, I took in his lean, muscled form as he spoke to some of his friends. Wearing jeans and a simple white T-shirt, he looked tan, relaxed, and hot as hell. Not at all grieving over the end of our relationship. Or, more specifically, our fling.

  My heart plummeted. I felt like a puppy, dying to catch a glimpse of her adored owner. Craving any type of attention. Anything to feel alive again.

  Because since I'd broken it off, I'd been dead inside.

  I did my best to look okay on the outside. I'd broken down and told my friends I decided to marry Phillip and end it with Holden. Though they looked doubtful, they backed me up, just like they'd always promised. We went forward with the final plans for the bachelorette party and the rehearsal dinner. Phillip was due to arrive in two days for our big talk, even though I'd already made up my mind to marry him. I tried not to think of having a husband who was more of a companion and buddy, or of the raw intimacy I'd never have with him. I'd deal with it. I had to.

  Leigh squeezed my arm. "Storme, do you want to leave?"

  My friends stared at him, waiting for me to make a decision. Kelsey took my other arm. "Let's get outta here. Plenty of other places to hang out and celebrate. Come on, Storme."

  "No. It's okay." I was shaking, but I needed to face it. Face him. "I broke up with him over the phone like a coward. I just--I just want to try to talk to him."

  My friends shared a glance but nodded. "We'll hang by the bar and wait for you," Leigh said.

  I squeezed their hands for support then headed across the room. Holden had just left his friends and was close to the exit. When he saw me coming, he froze, and a flicker of emotions crossed his face before it turned to distant stone. My heart hammered. I forced myself to stop in front of him and lift my chin.

  "Hi." He just stared at me with a slightly disgusted look. Nausea hit, but I continued. "I know we talked over the phone, but I'm sorry I didn't tell you in person." Waves of primitive energy swarmed around him, luring me in. Dear God, he was like a crack hit I desperately needed. In that moment, I think if he'd told me to come home with him, I would have. I just couldn't say no to Holden.

  I didn't even want to try.

  "You said everything you needed to," he clipped out. "Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?"

  Yes. I miss you. I ache for you. I love Phillip in a different way, but I can't hurt him and destroy his family. Please forgive me.

  I love you.

  The words exploded in my mind and splintered like wood, and I gasped from the searing pain. I did love him. Yes, it had started as sex, but something changed over these past weeks. The hours spent in his arms, sharing, talking, laughing. The way he'd encouraged me to go after my dreams. The way he'd called me sugar, and made terrible pancakes in the morning, and kissed my forehead with a gentleness that broke me in half. Oh, God, I loved him so much.

  My throat closed up. "No. I'm just--sorry. So sorry."

  His lips thinned into a tight line. "Me, too."

  He turned on his heel and left.

  Kelsey and Leigh came over and tugged me back to the bar. Refilling my drink, Kelsey pushed a penis straw toward me. "Don't do this to yourself, Storme. You've made your decision. You're marrying Phillip. There's nothing to be gained by trying to explain anything to Holden. Let it go."

  Leigh agreed, her eyes sympathetic. "You're doing what you have to do. Unless you're changing your mind, which is perfectly okay. We can go home and brainstorm and find a way out of this mess. It's not too late, Storme."

  They were right, but my head still spun from my realization. "No, this is the right decision. The only decision. Can you guys just sit with me a while? Talk about the old days and make me laugh on a night I'm supposed to be happy?"

  Kelsey gave me a hug. "Absolutely. Now drink up while I remind you of the time we tied that drunken asshole to the radiator in the dorm naked, because he thought no meant yes."

  Leigh squeezed my hand. "And then we'll dance like no one's watching."

  "Love you, guys."

  "Love you, too, girlfriend," Kelsey said. We huddled together and sank into the good times of the past while I told myself I'd made the right decision.

  While my hollowed, broken heart called me a liar.

  Chapter Twenty

  HOLDEN

  I WAITED FOR HER.

  The depths of my stupidity and desperation stunned me. My plan was to go home, get some damn sleep, then begin packing my stuff for Monday. Instead, her sad eyes and pleading face smashed any type of wall I'd built up since she'd broken up with me, and I was right back to square one.

  Fucking crazy in love with her.
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br />   I knew it now. I felt it in the buzz of her presence, in the hopeful lifting of my heart. It made no sense, had occurred way too fast for belief, yet I owned the truth. So, here I was. A pathetic, lovestruck guy ready to ask her for one final chance to pick me instead of him.

  I waited a long time. Finally, she came out of the bar, her friends behind her. Fate stepped in, that fickle bitch, and allowed me my one opportunity. Her heel caught on something, and she stumbled slightly. When she regained her footing, I could tell she wasn't drunk because her walk was steady. Her arms were wrapped around her chest as if she were cold, but she seemed deep in thought.

  I started my bike, then with a roar of the engine, I rode up to her.

  Storme spun around. Stared. I didn't say anything. Our gazes locked, and the world fell away like in those awful girly movies that usually sucked, and then she muttered something to her friends and they nodded, eyes understanding.

  She walked toward me.

  She jumped on the bike in her tiny black dress, and I handed her the helmet. My whole body shook with anticipation. Her voice was a breath of husky sound in my ear.

  "Drive, Holden. Just drive, and don't stop."

  Her arms tightened around my waist.

  And I drove.

  The stars bled above in a blur of light. The wind ripped at us, but I never slowed down, and I never stopped. In the darkness of the night, with Storme on my bike, time didn't exist. The empty road opened up and spit us out minutes, hours, days later. Finally, I pulled down the deserted sandy road where I'd first kissed her, behind the rocks and dunes. I cut the engine, pulled off my helmet, then got off the bike.

  Slowly, with shaky hands, she removed her helmet and slid off the seat. Shook out her hair. And looked at me.

  "I love you," she said. Her inky eyes shone with tears. "I ruined everything."

  I had no words for her. Only action.

  I closed the distance, took her in my arms, then kissed her.

  This time, there was no crazy, edged passion or raw lust. Instead, I felt like I was falling into a deep void of blistering heat and velvet softness. The final barrier guarding my heart crumbled, and I whispered her name over and over as I plunged my tongue into her mouth and kissed her with everything I had.